Oh look...a chicken!

[Garnet Rose]

Gypsy, we took a little detour in Hesperia today in your honor. :chick

[Garnet Rose]

Oh look...a chicken! :chick

[Greeneyed Gypsy]

Wahoo Garnet that is a great chicken ( I think I NEED one!) LOL


GG:chick

[Garnet Rose]

GG, when my in-laws were here for Mother's Day, we watched the Jackie Chan version of Around the World in 80 Days (which is pretty entertaining if you throw out any thought of Jules Verne and just go with it being a Jackie Chan movie) on DVD with the alternate beginning. I had seen this movie at the theatre without the beginning. Believe me, more than one line and prop makes more sense if you watch the alternate beginning first! (Oh, look! a chicken!)

[Garnet Rose]

I thought I should say something really profound for my one-thousandth post -- Oh look...a chicken!

[Garnet Rose]

I guess Gypsy's chicken is Grade A :chick

[Scruffy Smiley]

Where?

Scruffy Smiley

[Garnet Rose]

Oh look...a chicken! :chick

[Garnet Rose]

Oh, look... a chicken! :chick and a cow!

[Coffee Em]

Garnet, that first photo looks like redneck mini-golf to me! :lool:lool:lool

[Duzy Wales]

A :chick and an egg are laying in bed. The :chick is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular "I guess we answered that question!"

Sorry, couldn't help myself.... :rofl

[Coffee Em]

AAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!
:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl:rofl

[Duzy Wales]

HEY LOOK, I HAVE A TITLE! WHEN DID HUGH DO THAT? LOVE IT.....SINCE THAT IS WHAT MY DADDY NAMED ME AFTER.....ONLY HE SPELLS THINGS LIKE THEY SOUND! :ty :tban :kiss

[Garnet Rose]

Yay, Duzy! :tban :tban

[Duzy Wales]

:ty Garnet Rose! I am ....oh look....it's a :chick ....I mean I am happy to have one....not sure what I did to get it.....but, I will happily take it! :tban

[Tatted Lady]

:rofl :rofl :rofl

We have always had this saying: (for no reason at all)

If a chicken and a half, takes a day and a half, to lay and egg and a half? How many pancakes does it take to roof a doghouse??????

Anyone ever hear that before???

I told you was it for no reason at all!!!!

:lalala :lalala :lalala

[Wallaby Jack]

".......... no reason at all !!!!"


............ sounds like a great reason fer a :party:party:party


:D

[Fannie Kikinshoot]

:rofl :rofl :rofl

We have always had this saying: (for no reason at all)

If a chicken and a half, takes a day and a half, to lay and egg and a half? How many pancakes does it take to roof a doghouse??????

Anyone ever hear that before???

I told you was it for no reason at all!!!!

:lalala :lalala :lalala
59 and bring the syrup.

[Coffee Em]

My family's version was: If a chicken-and-a-half can lay an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how long will it take a squirrel with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?

Man, I'd forgotten that one.

[Four-Eyed Buck]

Boy, this is getting eggs- asperating.........:sassmarshall :go

[Garnet Rose]

Oh, look! A chicken!

[Tatted Lady]

CM, have never heard it with a squirrel:rofl :rofl

Will have to remember that one.

:chick :chick :chick

Where is that squirrel, I'll kick his b_ tt, if he takes any of my pancakes.

Of course, I do like pickles, so maybe we can make a trade.

[Black Box Belle]

It's rather interesting what you see walking down the street in Miami! :chick

[Garnet Rose]

Oh look...a chicken!

[Garnet Rose]

Oh look...a chicken!

[Sweet Violet]

Garnet,

Those are just too awesome!!!

[Lady Fleur]

And a cow.............................

[Jady]

If a chicken and a half...
... lays an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long will it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?

Let's think this straight ...Starting from the beginning ...Your genetically mutated chicken (hence, being a chicken and a half) was probably born in a place where:

a) Animals were subjected to large doses of radiation (and thus, was born a chicken and a half)

b) Not much food at all was given to the animals born in this place (thus, the egg and a half laid in a day and a half ..your poor mutated chicken was probably starving after the day and a half of labor that laying the two eggs she laid ...out of which she had to eat half an egg after her exhausting labor for the lack of food given to her and her playmates in her birthplace)

This leads us to believe that the only place where such a starvingly mutated chicken could've existed would be ....YES, OF COURSE !!! the animal balloon stand right in the middle of the mall sitting besides the cell phone stand !!! All of the cell phone RF radiation pouring into those poor, unfed chicken balloons must've resulted in three legged, three-armed chickens in no time at all !!! and, food ....who on earth would ever take pity on some animal balloons for sale and feed them ???

Now, on to the next clue to discover the answer to the riddle in your question ...The wooden leg on the main character of your story, The Monkey !!!

Why would a Monkey possibly have a wooden leg ....it could be because:

1. Gepetto decided to change trades from hand-making nose-growing little wooden boys to mass-producing cute, little wooden monkeys to be sold in stores that soon would become the item to have by teenage girls in malls across the whole wide world

2. The monkey in your story was non other than the wooden monkey placed with the christmas decorations in the mall, hanging right below a couple of frosty the snowman and homer simpson ornaments on the mall's christmas tree

or ...much more likely than options 1. and 2. ...the monkey in your story was well versed in the classics and, decided to shape his right leg into a wooden wonder to follow his trade of choice, knowing now that your monkey is a .....

3. Pirate !!! Yes, and thinking seriously, where in any mall could a modern day monkey pirate live ...could it be in the food court, looking for a barrell of rum? could it be in a big department store, looking for the largest earrings he could find to complement his wooden leg ....or, no, more than likely, even surely, your monkey lives in...

....The mall's CD store, where he hides during the day right behind the biggest Britney Spears or Shakira cardboard cutout he can find, only to emerge every night, laptop in hand and leather patch in eye, ready to burn CDs, DVDs and CD-ROMs of all the music, movies and video games that our little wooden-legged pirate monkey can get his hands on !!!

So, now we only need to uncover the last clue of your story to decipher your riddle, and it is, where lies the dill pickle that our friend the monkey kicked ???

To find this out, of course, we must first ask ourselves ...where could a dill pickle be found that would make our little monkey friend so mad that he would want to kick him. For, hey, our friend the monkey is indeed a pirate, and, as we all know, any pirate worth his salt must abide by the code of the pirates, which says, above all that thou shall not kick he who hasn't stolen your rum, taken your treasure map to the porta-potty when no toilet paper was found, or borrowed your hook without returning it.

So, which of these three foul crimes could the dill have commited. Let's take a look at them one by one

I. Could you really imagine our, by now, really kicked-off dill pickle taking the monkey's treasure map (the floorplan of the CD store) to the bathroom to use as TP? No, and of course, neither do I, for, after all, when have you really ever seen a dill pickle sit at the toilet and yell "There's no TP !!!" since, of course, we all know that their legs being so short (and, really, having no *** that we can speak of), they always tend to prefer standing up in the bathroom and chatting away with the other customers and mall employees peeing by their side.

II. Could you imagine the dill pickle getting anywhere near a barrell of rum? well, think about it. Just how many pickle jokes and pickle drinking games have you ever heard off ? None, right, well, neither have I and it is for a reason, pickles just don't do much drinking that we might say, so, even though the pickle still could've stolen the monkey's rum to sell it to his local mall Santa, I still doubt it, and instead believe that it was...

III. Borrowed the monkey's hook and never returning it ...and now, the question is, what sinister intentions might the dill pickle have had for borrowing and never returning the monkey's hook ? For that, we'll have to take a look at the police report and at the mall's security camera recordings for all that has happened in or around the mall in the last months ....let's dig in and find out if anything interesting has happened lately...

(To be continued....)

[Jady]

Let's see... where were we? Oh yes, reviewing the mall security cameras...


(Dec 3, 2005) A kid was found, riding the escalator

....nope, nothing to do with our case

(Dec 6, 2005) 911 was called to get twenty five teenage girls out of the photo-booth where they had gotten stuck trying to take a group picture

...hmmm, let's move on on this one

(Dec 13, 2005) Our friend, D.Pickle is seen in security camera 23.5 buying a diamond ring at Pancho's jewelers

(Dec 14, 2005) A kid is found, again, riding the escalator !

(Dec 16, 2005) D.Pickle and Red Carrot are spotted by security camera 38.2, arguing inside D.Pickle's 1975 Yugo in the upper deck of parking lot B. Red carrot exits the car, slams the door and leaves the parking lot. The camera spots a single, lonely tear in D.Pickle's left cheek and a diamond ring in his right hand

(Dec 18, 2005) 10:23 AM - D.Pickle asks P.Monkey for his hook, P.Monkey is more than happy to help

(Dec 26, 2005) Red Carrot's parents report her missing to the mall police

(Dec 27, 2005) That ***darned kid, is STILL riding the escalator !!!

(Dec 29, 2005) Missing vegetable posters with Red Carrot's lovely face are shown by security cameras all across the mall

(Jan 6, 2006) Policemen reviewing security camera 55.8 see a flashing metal object with shreds of carrot meat hanging from it's tip being tossed from the garbage dumpster behind the mall's CD store onto a garbage truck

(Feb 25, 2006) After sorting through tons and tons of garbage, police finally find the object seen by security cameras on Jan 6, 2006. The object is identified as a small pirate hook

(March 1, 2006) DNA analysis of the shreds of carrot meat hanging from the pirate hook are, sadly, identified as Red Carrot's remains

(March 15, 2006) After cooperating with the FBI and Hook and Wesson (of course, the largest hook manufacturer in the continent) it is found that Pirate Hook Model Redbeard, Serial Number 305P78M228IS was sold to, non other than Mr. P.Monkey with address of CD-Wonderland, Great Mall of Veggieville, 64301

(March 17, 2006) P. Monkey is arrested as a prime suspect for the murder of Miss Red Carrot

(March 25, 2006) After a very short two day trial, and mostly because of the testimony of the honorable D.Pickle, P.Monkey is sentenced to lifelong imprisonment for the murder of Red Carrot

(Match 25, 2006) P.Monkey swears revenge on D.Pickle if he ever leaves jail, but, confounding the whole national audience seeing this happening in the stairs of the courtroom through TVs across the land, P.Monkey swears he will enact revenge on D.Pickle, not for having killed Red Carrot, not for having framed P.Monkey for her death, but, rather, surprise, surprise, for not having returned a certain pirate hook to his rightful owner, Mr. P.Monkey

(March 26, 2006) P.Monkey is placed in a high security cell within San Aguacate Prison, where he is to remain the rest of his living hours

(March 30, 2006) In a dashing jailbreak, in which he holds 30 guards, 40 policemen, 20 dogs and 4 peanut butter sandwiches hostage, P. Monkey escapes prison, screaming, at the top of his lungs "D. Pickle, I'm comin' for ya !!!"

(March 31, 2006) An emergency call is received by 911 from 425 South Pomodoro Blvd, the residence of a certain D.Pickle. Upon arriving, the police see a disgraced, seedless pickle lying on the ground in the carpet at the entrance to his room. After applying CPR and attempting to revive him, they ask him, "What happened, Mr. Pickle, What happened ?" ...D.Pickle simply responds in a voice, broken to the point of being almost imperceptible...

"That Monkey ...he kicked the s.... out of me"

the police ask him, Mr. Pickle, what did you say, please tell us, don't fear, Mr. Pickle, we're the police, whatever happened, we will fix it !!!

With his last dying breaths, D.Pickle musters enough strength to say in a strong, yet incredibly sad voice ....

"That Monkey, he kicked the seeds out of me ...and I deserved it, I was the one that killed Carrot ! I was the one that killed Carrot !"

(April 1, 2006) After some hours of forensic exploration of D.Pickle's mortal remains, it is determined that the cause of his death was a severe seed-kicking administered at 11:35 PM on March 31. The person responsible for the seed-kicking is still unknown and at large.

So, there you have it, it was a Pickle, with a Hook that killed Miss Carrot in the bathroom behind the CD Store ...case solved !!!

...what, that wasn't the question ??? Are you kidding me ??? The time ?
Okay... you wanted to know how long it took the monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds from the dill pickle, weeeeell, why didn't you say so before ? ...well, alrighty then, let's review the facts:

1. P.Monkey lent his hook to D.Pickle at 10:23 AM on December 18, 2005. P. Monkey also kicked the seeds out of D. Pickle at 11:35 PM on March 31, 2006

From this, we now know that it took all of 103 days, 13 hours and 12 minutes for P.Monkey to kick the seeds out of D.Pickle since the moment in which D.Pickle borrowed his hook to never return it again.

So, there you have it, at last, it takes a monkey with a wooden leg 103 days, 13 hours and 12 minutes to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle !

[Kid Sopris]

And I thought I was long winded !:lool

[Kitty Phann]

:lool :lool :lool :lool :lool :lool :lool :lool :lool :lool

and I didn't read all of this one either.

[Jady]

And I thought I was long winded !:lool

:bow Kid, this really reminded me of something you would come up with... guess I'm learning from the master!!! :bow

[Kid Sopris]

Touche':bow

[Jady]

My family's version was: If a chicken-and-a-half can lay an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how long will it take a squirrel with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?

Man, I'd forgotten that one.


I'm going to be logical about this, which is most obviously going to be a mistake given the fact that we are talking about wooden-leg squirrels and dill pickles. But I would say that it takes.... about half as long as it takes half a wooden-leg squirrel to kick half the seeds out of half a dill pickle!

Then again I might not have a leg to stand on here! Orange you glad I'm not going to use a lot of vegetable puns. I'll squash that idea right now. Lettuce go before I turnip any more lame puns.

[Kitty Phann]

Honestly, between you and Garnet Rose. I can't stop laughing.:rofl

[Wallaby Jack]

My head hertz.........

...where's Jack Web when we need him ?

:help

[Coffee Em]

There is no smiley sufficient to illustrate my response to this. Let's see--some of this :re, and some of this :eek:, and a smidge of this :18. Much of this :bow with a little dab of this :stooge, a drop or two of this :spit, and a whole big whompin' bunch of this :rofl:rofl:rofl.


You're a sick woman. I knew we had stuff in common.

[Jady]

I wish I could take credit for that very long-winded disertation, but alas, I only snagged it from the unending vastness of available knowledge on the world wide web, all of it just there for the taking. I just tried to find it again to get the authors name and I can't locate it. Duh!!

So, clever author, whoever you are, :bow I bow to your imagination and your gift of humor. You obviously have a lot of time on your hands, thank-you for using it to our amusement!!

[Coffee Em]

Well, but you had the good taste (? !) to repeat it, didn't you? See? Credit where it's due!

[Tatted Lady]

:ty :ty :ty For the answer to that long standing question.

Jady, you are the best!!!!!:bow

But my question was:::::

"If a chicken and a half, lays and egg and a half, in a day and a half, then how many pancakes does it take to roof a doghouse??????"

Well, let's see, over at the Mall, Mr. P Monkey was hungry??????????????????????????????????????


.

[Jady]

:ty :ty :ty For the answer to that long standing question.

Jady, you are the best!!!!!:bow

But my question was:::::

"If a chicken and a half, lays and egg and a half, in a day and a half, then how many pancakes does it take to roof a doghouse??????"

Well, let's see, over at the Mall, Mr. P Monkey was hungry??????????????????????????????????????


.


That takes us in a whole 'nuther direction, doesnt it ???? A much more delicious direction....

"Now over at the mall Mr. P Monkey was hungry...you see he was on the lam, hiding out after his daring escape from prison. He barely got away after his dasterdly de-seeding of Mr. D. Pickle, which was much more difficult and time consuming without his hook. (He didn't know how, but someday he'd get his beloved hook back from the police evidence locker. After all, what is a Pirate monkey without his hook!?!) He was alone, desperate... and the only place he knew well and felt safe was back at the mall. Luckily he knew this maze of a mall like the back of his...er...left hand. And he certainly knew enough to stay away from the CD store, his previous hang-out. But way at the opposite end of the mall was the Pancake House, and he'd been hidden in their back hallway storage closet for about... a day and a half now!! He didn't know how much longer he could last, those delicious smells were getting to him...."


To be continued...

[Garnet Rose]

:chick :chick

[Garnet Rose]

And some ducks in a row for Nellie.

[Jady]

http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e381/Jadym/037.jpg

[Garnet Rose]

Jady, I thought my friend Jennifer's friend Mary made up the "guess what -- chicken butt" game as something to play in a boring class in high school! I didn't realize it had a broader audience than that. Thanks for the memory!

Oh, look! A chicken!

[Garnet Rose]

The Peter Portfolio :chick

[Garnet Rose]

Chicken sandwich, anyone?

[Garnet Rose]

More ducks in a row for Nellie!

[Nellie Blue]

:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl

I LOVE shooting galleries!

[Scruffy Smiley]

Obsessive Chicken Disorder? :chick

[Nellie Blue]

...And no matter how many costumes I make...I see another one I have to have!!! :rofl :rofl :rofl

[Kitty Phann]

Nellie, how true that is!!!



or how about...... no matter how much fabric I have. I have to buy more!

[Black Box Belle]

Something for GG

[Black Box Belle]

Friday night at the drive-in!

[Black Box Belle]

When you feel your job is the pits....

[Garnet Rose]

Oh look! A Chicken!

[Greeneyed Gypsy]

Bahahahahaha:tban

[Garnet Rose]

Moving along from the '60s to the '70s... Oh look! A Chicken!

[Garnet Rose]

Oh look! A Chicken!

[Garnet Rose]

I've heard of a pyramid scheme, but a pyramid dream? Oh look! A Chicken!