Why its good to be a WOMAN!

[Greeneyed Gypsy]

We got off the Titanic ...first.

We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

Taxis stop for us.

We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

No fashion Faux Pas we make could EVER rival the Speedo.

We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

We can congratulate our teammate with out ever touching her rear end.

We don't feel the need to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

We have the ability to dress ourselves (here come the corset lacing comments... :re )

We can talk to the oppisite sex without having to picture them naked (thank heavens...LOL :re :w2 )

If we marry someone 20 years younger , we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

We will never regret piercing our ears.

There are times when chocolate really does solve all of our problems.

We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway

Ahhhh...to laugh...one of God's greatest gifts!

[Wallaby Jack]

Misshhhh Gypshy,
My tongue ish hurtin', but I'm gunna keep on bitin' it........



:fm

[Coffee Em]

Why it's good to be a man: Three pairs of shoes. I'm just sayin'.

(Why do I need all these shoes? And they're all black! But I really do need them--don't I? I'm doing this my own self and I still don't understand it!)

Cheers,
Coffee Em

[Zeb]

:confused: 3 pairs a shoes?????? I dun't even own a pair a shoes! :rolleyes: Howsumever, I duz own 10 pairs a Cowboy Boots! :go

I gots one pair a Jesus shoes jest fer wearin' wit me cutoffs! :w2

[Coffee Em]

10 pairs of cowboy boots? Zeb, I am soooooooo jealous.

Cheers,
Coffee Em

[Four-Eyed Buck]

4 pairs of boots, 3 pair of other type shoes( do I really need them?), 1 pair of slippers( well worn I might add)......Buck :18 :rofl :lool

[Wallaby Jack]

3pr Cowboy Boots, 1pr work boots, 1pr masusse thingy's, an' a pr o' gummy boots (fer in tha cowyard)


:fm

[Singing Bear]

I used to have 6 pairs of cowboy boots by Nocona, Dan Post and Tony Lamas.
Traded them all to my cousin in law for a table saw. :noe
Measuring and cutting a piece of wood is quicker than trying to squeeze my luau feet into boots. ;)

Well awegeewhilikersboohoo, darned thangs all shrank a size and a half on me anyways. Besides, I got me a bum back and 2" heels just don't help it none. Now I have 2 pairs of clog type suede shoes, 3 pairs of New Balance walking and cross training shoes and go through a pair of rubbah slippahs every 3 months. :o

[Ida Hands]

Gosh, I have 5 pairs of black cowboy boots alone! Not to mention, the blue ones, the eel ones, the grey ones, the red ones, purple ones, the.....
And shoes, heels, slippers, sandals.... :re (And, btw, did you see that great pair of boots...)

[Chihuahua Floyd]

GG,
I think it good that most women are women, If they was something else, we'd be in a world of hurt.
As for the man jokes (OK, man truths) all of us are not card carrying neandtherals. I am by the way, just not all of us.
As for the rest of you, one pair cowboy boots, one pair work boots, one pair hunting boots, two pair sneakers, one worn out pair rockports, and one pair Sunday shoes.
Chihuahua Floyd

[Carolina Chipmunk]

I had a ton of shoes when I was a size 8 womens, now that I am a 9 1/2 I have almost no shoes! All I have are 2-3 pairs of flip-flops, two pairs of water shoes, a pair of moccasins, two pairs of black clogs, another pair of black shoes, two pairs of sneakers, a set of hiking boots (I love backpacking almost as much as shooting guns), and a pair of hot pink sandals that are burly enough I can take backpacking, yet they are dressy enough I can were them to church.

I think that is it. Told you I didn't have many shoes!

[Kid Sopris]

I don't know, I played on a coed softball team one time and I didn't have any problem patting some of my team mates on the butt!
And it didnt seem to bother them coeds either! :rofl

[Wallaby Jack]

Go on Sopris....... have another gloat....

;)


:fm

[Kid Sopris]

Come on Jack, you and I ride the same kind of Horse :rofl Are you coming to the convention or are you just gonna wait for the pictures to come out on DVD? :lool

[Coffee Em]

I should have known better than to mention shoes around you lot!

Cheers,
Coffee Em

[Wallaby Jack]

Well Kid, I'm gunna wait ......
Thet Connyventshun thingy am toooo close to our Nationals (next week) and our famous International BlackPowder ONLY event (next month).......

.........and I got insurances due.......

:cry

[Greeneyed Gypsy]

LOL well you wont believe me but I have less shoes than Hubbie, and I aint even counting the military boots!
I have three pair of cowgirl bootsblack flat black heel and brown flat, One pair of sneakers, one pair of sandals, two pair of black dress heels, two pair of flat loafer type shoes one black one brown. SO thats nine total...Hubbie's got about twice that number.

I think men are wonderful creatures ( I certainly would not trade mine for a hill of gold!) and Cowboy type men are the tip o' that catagory! I just wanted to share a funny little female perspective goodness knows I sure did need a little laugh and that one sorta struck a funny bone y'know? :w2

Hey Kid S. I was one a co-ed ball team once too and your right! Them Boys didn't mind a pat from me at all...LOL :noe

[Bulls Head Bill]

The Differences Between Men and Women

Relationships:

First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie was doing it on a semi-regular basis". When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for us". This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely prove effective.

Sex:

Women prefer 30 - 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 - 45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.
Maturity:

Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work.

Hats:

Women look good in hats; men look like dinks.

Comedy:

Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of "The Three Stooges" comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite stooge. The women will roll their eys and groan and wait it out.

Handwriting:

To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Bathrooms:

A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Magazines:

Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked ladies. Women's magazine also feature pictures of naked ladies. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is hairy and lumpy and should not be seen by the light of day.

Groceries:

A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lemon and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

Going out:

When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup...

Shoes:

When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She wil carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk. A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.

Leg warmers:

Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants.

A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line".

Cats:

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Mirrors:

Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface--mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head.

Garages:

Women use garages to park their cars and to store their lawnmowers. Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, and they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages.

Movies:

For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses Vivien Leigh for the first time in "Gone With The Wind". For men, it's when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in Mae Clark's face in "Public Enemy".

Jewelry:

Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

Menopause:

When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction--he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

The Telephone:

Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Low Blows:

Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television. One of the fighters is felled by a low blow. The woman says "Oh, gee, that must hurt." The man doubles over and actually feels pain.

Directions:

If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there", and, "I know I'm in the neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store".

Admitting Mistakes:

Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.

Richard Gere:

Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

Offspring:

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

[Bulls Head Bill]

CONTINUED..............................

Dressing up:

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Nudity in Movies:

Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

David Letterman:

Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the Earth. Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut.

Cameras:

Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4,000 for state-of-the-art equipment, and build darkrooms, and take photography classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures.

Politics:

Men love to talk politics, but often they forget to do political things such as voting. Women are very happy that another generation of Kennedys is growing up and getting into politics, because they will be able to campaign for them and cry on election night.

Locker Rooms:

In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker room--sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

Laundry:

Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do the laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth.

Weddings:

When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony". Men talk about "the bachelor party".

Cheerleaders:

Female cheerleaders are cute, sexy, fresh, and all-American. Male cheerleaders are scary.

Socks:

Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictues of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

Toys:

Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession wih toys. As they older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails on command, video games, anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least six "D" batteries to operate.

Plants:

A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

Mustaches:

Some men look good with mustaches. Those men are Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds. There are no women who look good with mustaches.

Nicknames:

With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk", women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut Brain and Useless.

[Bulls Head Bill]

"27 male facts"

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

3. Men who have tattoos think they have a piece of artwork on them. Yeah, like a flaming skull is art?

4. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

5. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

6. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

7. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

8. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

9. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwartzkopf.

10 Men are sensitive in strange ways If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

11 Men have an easier time buying bathing suits, Women have two types: depressing and more depressing Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

12 Men have higher body temperatures than women If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

13 Women take clothing much more seriously than men I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh no, I'm so embarrassed; I've got to get out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

14 Most men hate to shop That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

15 If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

16 If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

17 No man is charming all of the time Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

18 When four or more men get together, they talk about sports or guns.

19 When four or more women get together, they talk about men and sewing ballgowns and Tom Selleck.

20 Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

21 Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

22 If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget.. he didn't lose your number.. he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.

23 Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at at a shooting match, I asked him, "Are we going to shoot again soon?" He said, "Maybe.. next year."

24 Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you.. I want to marry you.. I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

25 Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super- heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

26 Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to flirt with young girls and drive motorcycles.

27 Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports They've already forgotten what happened.

[Kid Sopris]

Damn Bill, Take a Breath! :book

[Chihuahua Floyd]

BHB,
Did Fannie help you with the list of 27 things about men? You are showing your femenin side way to much there cowboy.

Men buy stuff, women shop.

Men park and walk to the store, gym, ect. Women drive around the parking lot til they get a spot near the door.

Cowboys shoot. Cowgirls shoot and look good doing it. A bunch outshoot me.

CF

[Four-Eyed Buck]

They outshoot me too........... :re :noe :cgun

[Coffee Em]

Geez, I had to read most of those out loud to El Husband (who cooks way better than I do). Even with me occasionally muttering, "I am such a closet boy!", these cracked me up.

I have to take issue with the Custer thing, though. I think his last words are on record as, "Come on, guys, this could work!"

Cheers,
Coffee Em

[Four-Eyed Buck]

Probably more like " Hey, Ya'll, watch this".......Buck :re :18

[Wallaby Jack]

I have it on good authority it was "Holy $&^%&*()(*^$#, where'd all them Indians come from ?"


:go

[Nellie Blue]

I'm doing this my own self and I still don't understand it!

That's what I think every time I clean my guns! :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl

[Nellie Blue]

Chipmunk! So nice to see you!!!

Men are so good to have around! They're always good for a laugh! :lool :go

[Lady Fleur]

Sorry guys i am better with tools and "fixing whats broke than woodstock....."
Woodstock grew up shopping thrift stores with his mom... Golly do i love that!!!
I will keep him around a while more!!! well just if for shopping:lool he is good at that!!